Friday, December 3, 2010
More epic L word quotes!
"Well you know what Kevin? I don't really care what you and your fucking purple tie think of my whereabouts, okay? What the fuck do you think this is, 1952 where you can give her a beard so you can pretend she's straight? You should be ashamed of yourself!"
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Another moment of procrastination...
Oh, the L word...
Kit (the only straight character on the show, who is funny as all hell! One of my favorites):
"Look at this place man, check it out! I should open up a business in here since those SheBar bitches shut down The Planet, man."
Shane: "When can you reopen?"
Kit: "I still have one more inspection and I have to drop EIGHT G'S for that shit, man. I'ma get those hobags back, I swear to God you mark my WORD! Those she bitches!"
HAHAHAHAHA
So I've written an outline for my paper but I keep reverting back to The L Word...my perpetual addiction:
Priceless moment in this episode: When four enormous rats scurry across the Planet and Tina and Bette's two-year-old, Angelica, screams out "PUPPIES!!!!!!!!" and at this time Bette is cheating on Jodi with Tina and Tina's on the phone with Bette and she's all like "FUCK, I'M GONNA HAVE TO CALL YOU BACK!"
Priceless moment in this episode: When four enormous rats scurry across the Planet and Tina and Bette's two-year-old, Angelica, screams out "PUPPIES!!!!!!!!" and at this time Bette is cheating on Jodi with Tina and Tina's on the phone with Bette and she's all like "FUCK, I'M GONNA HAVE TO CALL YOU BACK!"
Don't you love when you come across things that seamlessly weave into your life?
From "This I Believe: The Personal Philosophies of Remarkable Men and Women"
"A Journey Toward Acceptance and Love"
What do I believe? That the stories I tell myself shape my truth, my soul, and my life. I was raised to be a good Baptist and to be a patriotic American. I was raised to believe Catholics were idol-worshippers, liberals were communists, and that black and white never mixed. God filled the background, ready to condemn me into Hell. God saw everything bad about me, knew every wayward thought. I was born with original sin---I had no chance. At the same time, being a white American provided me with a sense of privilege, of being one of the "better" people.
As I grew older, I began to struggle with my sexuality.
Every day, I battled against demons driving me to impurity. I resisted and then I would succumb to unholy thought. I came to believe that I was an abomination, a thing hated by God. In search of a wife, I tried a dating service. Defeated, I waited for someone to take pity on me and love me. The idea of faking it to satisfy others turned my stomach. I came to believe that if I punished myself enough, God would show me mercy and cure me of my wrongness.
I drove myself deep into depression. I remember my Bible group talking about how they kicked someone out for refusing to stop being gay. My blood chilled and my heart hiccupped. I remember my family asking me what was wrong with me. Why wasn't I dating?
My sense of being less than fully human festered. I stopped going to church. I gave up on ever being loved.
By age thirty-five, I had no more than a few hugs as the lifetime sum of my physical intimacy. My skin cried in deprivation. I had no hope except that one day things might improve if I endured. And then they did.
I started to change the basic stories of my life: that I'm bad, alienated from God, a freak of nature. I started to love myself and to believe the Divine did so as well. As the belief strengthened through the repetition of story, I began to love others, and I was loved back. The racism I grew up with faded. The more I loved myself, the more beauty I saw in everyone else. The more I healed, the more I viewed the Bible and all of our great myths as stories told by others, and I looked more and more to my heart to find the right one for me.
In sixth months, I joined with my life partner of five years and counting, became an Episcopalian, and replanted my political beliefs. And this I believe: The right story is the one that helps me to love myself the most, to create the most, to love others and to support them in their creations.
For it is for those awesome experiences that I believe we are here.
So I'm gay.
And now, after decades of struggle, I tell a good story about it.
"A Journey Toward Acceptance and Love"
What do I believe? That the stories I tell myself shape my truth, my soul, and my life. I was raised to be a good Baptist and to be a patriotic American. I was raised to believe Catholics were idol-worshippers, liberals were communists, and that black and white never mixed. God filled the background, ready to condemn me into Hell. God saw everything bad about me, knew every wayward thought. I was born with original sin---I had no chance. At the same time, being a white American provided me with a sense of privilege, of being one of the "better" people.
As I grew older, I began to struggle with my sexuality.
Every day, I battled against demons driving me to impurity. I resisted and then I would succumb to unholy thought. I came to believe that I was an abomination, a thing hated by God. In search of a wife, I tried a dating service. Defeated, I waited for someone to take pity on me and love me. The idea of faking it to satisfy others turned my stomach. I came to believe that if I punished myself enough, God would show me mercy and cure me of my wrongness.
I drove myself deep into depression. I remember my Bible group talking about how they kicked someone out for refusing to stop being gay. My blood chilled and my heart hiccupped. I remember my family asking me what was wrong with me. Why wasn't I dating?
My sense of being less than fully human festered. I stopped going to church. I gave up on ever being loved.
By age thirty-five, I had no more than a few hugs as the lifetime sum of my physical intimacy. My skin cried in deprivation. I had no hope except that one day things might improve if I endured. And then they did.
I started to change the basic stories of my life: that I'm bad, alienated from God, a freak of nature. I started to love myself and to believe the Divine did so as well. As the belief strengthened through the repetition of story, I began to love others, and I was loved back. The racism I grew up with faded. The more I loved myself, the more beauty I saw in everyone else. The more I healed, the more I viewed the Bible and all of our great myths as stories told by others, and I looked more and more to my heart to find the right one for me.
In sixth months, I joined with my life partner of five years and counting, became an Episcopalian, and replanted my political beliefs. And this I believe: The right story is the one that helps me to love myself the most, to create the most, to love others and to support them in their creations.
For it is for those awesome experiences that I believe we are here.
So I'm gay.
And now, after decades of struggle, I tell a good story about it.
WHY AM I SO ABNORMAL?!
I think I'm addicted to NightQuil. It must be the sedatives in it. I know that's it.
Shhh. Don't tell anyone.
I drank an entire half a bottle Sunday...I didn't tell anyone because I'm trying this new thing where I put up a filter for myself and not tell everyone every little thing I'm feeling or doing. Frankly, no one needs to know and no one gives a shit. It's all mundane.
Anyway, even a tiny amount of NightQuil will make you slap happy and so chill! It kills all my worries, essentially. I just can't afford to be chugging it anymore when I'm studying for my math final and whatnot.
I have bad bad bad bad habits.
I'm such a fucking hypochondriac.
I make fun of one of my best friends for being such a high-maintenance, hypochondriac but she seriously has nothing on me.
I take Tums like it's candy, and last year I chugged Pepto Bismal like it was Gatorade.
And have taken nearly ten Advil in one day before when I was PMSing earlier this year. That's really not okay. I'm gonna die before I'm 30. Well, whatever, at least my funeral will be planned.
Shhh. Don't tell anyone.
I drank an entire half a bottle Sunday...I didn't tell anyone because I'm trying this new thing where I put up a filter for myself and not tell everyone every little thing I'm feeling or doing. Frankly, no one needs to know and no one gives a shit. It's all mundane.
Anyway, even a tiny amount of NightQuil will make you slap happy and so chill! It kills all my worries, essentially. I just can't afford to be chugging it anymore when I'm studying for my math final and whatnot.
I have bad bad bad bad habits.
I'm such a fucking hypochondriac.
I make fun of one of my best friends for being such a high-maintenance, hypochondriac but she seriously has nothing on me.
I take Tums like it's candy, and last year I chugged Pepto Bismal like it was Gatorade.
And have taken nearly ten Advil in one day before when I was PMSing earlier this year. That's really not okay. I'm gonna die before I'm 30. Well, whatever, at least my funeral will be planned.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
The problems with my mother never cease. She sent me a heated email because I have a D in my math class. She wants nothing lower than a HIGH C. She is NOT being realistic and completely irrational...she KNOWS I've been working harder this year than I ever have my ENTIRE fucking life. I nearly cried reading that DAMN EMAIL. Why can't she have any empathy? I've been working my ass off so I don't need to face her wrath. Why does she always overlook the silver linings? Namely my 4 As and 1 B.
Not to mention her overlooking the fact that I'm a lesbian.
Speaking of which I saw Hot Gym Instructor girl today. She had on the most adorable white knit winter hat she looked so precious!
And I saw this hot blonde chick at the library earlier...she SMILED at me! WTF! She was with some random guy though so it was probably her boyfriend. Naturally. I'm sure. But we exchanged a few glances...at least. Odd.
Well anyway, it's nearly 3 in the morning I need to get some fucking sleep or I'm going to be one cranky bitch tomorrow morning. I already was one pissed off, ranting and raving mess tonight...God, I'm sure my whole damn hallway heard me bitching about my mom and such to my roomie/friend. Four hours away and my mom still scares the living shit out of me. She is terrifying. Thank God my dad sent me a really nice email after her scaryass email. He is the good cop who told me he knows I was born this way (in the words of Lady GaGa's new album!), and in his words, "wired this way" so to speak. He is proud of me no matter what.
I've fucked up A LOT. It takes me awhile to learn lessons. Like that vindictive blog I made trashing my conservative relatives when I was like 9, then making that Facebook group trashing a teacher and making a mockery of her in high school, which of course was brought to her attention "anonymously." Then other shit like that had to pile up onto all of that even to make me change at all.
I just have been such a mess my whole life I feel like.
I hate my fucking cognitive deficit and my ADHD and anxiety and my Learning Disability in math and EVERYTHING. Why can't I be NORMAL? Why can't I glide through life instead of stumble? Why do my shortcomings always trump my positive qualities?
What would my friends and family say my positive qualities are?
My ADHD fucks my life up and makes trivial tasks insurmountable. If you took a peek at my desk you would get it. And I forget EVERYTHING. I can't remember anything for shit, all I do is write random shit in all of my notebooks that don't even apply to the course name I have written on it.
If Mom took me seriously and believed me when I say I LOVE girls and told her my whole story.
How I started having feelings for girls in 5th grade but was oblivious to it, then realized what it was in 7th grade then everything escalated from there---then in high school mom made sporadic efforts like once she asked "Oh is she a new love interest?" but nevertheless, her outbursts about it triggered my deep-rooted denial throughout high school.
The most memorable girl I liked in high school was bi actually (I wasn't straight chasing for once), drop dead gorgeous, she had long chestnut hair and big blue eyes...I still think about her sometimes and think about what could've happened if she didn't have a fucking girlfriend at the time! Well, I told her I was interested being the fatuously bold person I am, then she was so pleasantly surprised she told me she'd love to hang out with me (AKA get laid!) if she didn't have a girlfriend...the timing was shitty. Whatever---we're in completely different worlds now. Since that summer, I always hope to run into her at home sometime when I'm looking halfway decent and she's single.
And I recall those few times she definitely flirted with me senior year---we had English together. And I was so fucking oblivious until I started really lusting over her.
Whatever...I need to stop thinking about girls. No more hot gym girl, random hot girls I run into...it will just make me depressed and feel like I'll never find love. Too many straight people in the world...it's so frustrating. I wish everyone was bisexual, then shit would be so much easier.
I sometimes even wonder if I'd be any good at being a girlfriend...would I be a complete flake? A crazed, melodramatic, difficult brat?
I had when I see glimpses of myself as that in this present day, since I was such a spoiled brat when I was little. I got whatever I wanted from my Grandma and my Dad. My mom compensated though by ruling with an iron fist...which she never did with my siblings.
My mom is harsh. We're very close, we have the same values and agree on mostly everything and can talk about anything...except sexuality stuff. Yes, we bicker but usually it's loving unless it comes to...well, anything about me. I don't know how much faith she has in me, honestly. I wish she believed in me more in my writing. She thinks I'm a massive slacker who drifts through life not paying attention in class and twiddling my thumbs. Absolutely not. God, I hope to get this novel/novella which I'm going to finish this Winter Break published so then maybe she will be floored...and impressed. Just maybe.
Not to mention her overlooking the fact that I'm a lesbian.
Speaking of which I saw Hot Gym Instructor girl today. She had on the most adorable white knit winter hat she looked so precious!
And I saw this hot blonde chick at the library earlier...she SMILED at me! WTF! She was with some random guy though so it was probably her boyfriend. Naturally. I'm sure. But we exchanged a few glances...at least. Odd.
Well anyway, it's nearly 3 in the morning I need to get some fucking sleep or I'm going to be one cranky bitch tomorrow morning. I already was one pissed off, ranting and raving mess tonight...God, I'm sure my whole damn hallway heard me bitching about my mom and such to my roomie/friend. Four hours away and my mom still scares the living shit out of me. She is terrifying. Thank God my dad sent me a really nice email after her scaryass email. He is the good cop who told me he knows I was born this way (in the words of Lady GaGa's new album!), and in his words, "wired this way" so to speak. He is proud of me no matter what.
I've fucked up A LOT. It takes me awhile to learn lessons. Like that vindictive blog I made trashing my conservative relatives when I was like 9, then making that Facebook group trashing a teacher and making a mockery of her in high school, which of course was brought to her attention "anonymously." Then other shit like that had to pile up onto all of that even to make me change at all.
I just have been such a mess my whole life I feel like.
I hate my fucking cognitive deficit and my ADHD and anxiety and my Learning Disability in math and EVERYTHING. Why can't I be NORMAL? Why can't I glide through life instead of stumble? Why do my shortcomings always trump my positive qualities?
What would my friends and family say my positive qualities are?
My ADHD fucks my life up and makes trivial tasks insurmountable. If you took a peek at my desk you would get it. And I forget EVERYTHING. I can't remember anything for shit, all I do is write random shit in all of my notebooks that don't even apply to the course name I have written on it.
If Mom took me seriously and believed me when I say I LOVE girls and told her my whole story.
How I started having feelings for girls in 5th grade but was oblivious to it, then realized what it was in 7th grade then everything escalated from there---then in high school mom made sporadic efforts like once she asked "Oh is she a new love interest?" but nevertheless, her outbursts about it triggered my deep-rooted denial throughout high school.
The most memorable girl I liked in high school was bi actually (I wasn't straight chasing for once), drop dead gorgeous, she had long chestnut hair and big blue eyes...I still think about her sometimes and think about what could've happened if she didn't have a fucking girlfriend at the time! Well, I told her I was interested being the fatuously bold person I am, then she was so pleasantly surprised she told me she'd love to hang out with me (AKA get laid!) if she didn't have a girlfriend...the timing was shitty. Whatever---we're in completely different worlds now. Since that summer, I always hope to run into her at home sometime when I'm looking halfway decent and she's single.
And I recall those few times she definitely flirted with me senior year---we had English together. And I was so fucking oblivious until I started really lusting over her.
Whatever...I need to stop thinking about girls. No more hot gym girl, random hot girls I run into...it will just make me depressed and feel like I'll never find love. Too many straight people in the world...it's so frustrating. I wish everyone was bisexual, then shit would be so much easier.
I sometimes even wonder if I'd be any good at being a girlfriend...would I be a complete flake? A crazed, melodramatic, difficult brat?
I had when I see glimpses of myself as that in this present day, since I was such a spoiled brat when I was little. I got whatever I wanted from my Grandma and my Dad. My mom compensated though by ruling with an iron fist...which she never did with my siblings.
My mom is harsh. We're very close, we have the same values and agree on mostly everything and can talk about anything...except sexuality stuff. Yes, we bicker but usually it's loving unless it comes to...well, anything about me. I don't know how much faith she has in me, honestly. I wish she believed in me more in my writing. She thinks I'm a massive slacker who drifts through life not paying attention in class and twiddling my thumbs. Absolutely not. God, I hope to get this novel/novella which I'm going to finish this Winter Break published so then maybe she will be floored...and impressed. Just maybe.
Best L Word Quote Ever. . .
Shane: So do you see anyone you like?
Tina: Are you kidding? This has to be the straightest wedding ever. No lesbian is ever gonna get laid here!
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