all i want to do is watch gone with the wind or something...anything and take a scalding hot shower and sleep. and be immensely slothful.
studying for this GHS test is an absolute nightmare.
and i've been really letting myself go...so much for working out/eating healthier. when i'm stressed, that all goes to hell.
fuck fuck fuck fuck. why are unpleasant things so much easier to think about?
you know what i hate? nothing in life is always entirely GOOD and you are never entirely CONTENT.
well i guess that goes for everyone.
but the thing about school...well this is how i know i'm not a school person by any means: 
there is always something weighing me down like a piano covered in bricks at the back of my mind and in my chest...like a massive weight making it intensely difficult to take deep breaths.
and you know what?
my advisor today vocalized what i pick a bone with the most in my life, what i staunchly disagree with the most: that my grades in my classes indicate what kind of teacher i will be.
I NEARLY LAUGHED IN HER FACE. 
why is the world so ludicrous?
in spite of my irksome issues and predicaments i get myself into (usually obliviously), the world is OUTRAGEOUS.
i know i certainly can be but people just don't realize what's truly important in life sometimes. 
it sounds highly and disturbingly corny but: family, friends, and just going for your passions and whatnot. 
nothing else!
what is wrong with me? why do i screw up so much?
do i? or am i just "misunderstood?"
well i certainly am by the whole realm of academia.
i still can't articulately vocalize what really happened in that wretched meeting earlier. all i know is that they don't like how i do things...let's be real, i march to the beat of my own damn drum and a lot of people aren't gonna like that in life. i'm an acquired taste i suppose.
even people who care about i feel have to raise their eyebrows sometimes.
well, that is okay i've realized. it's fine because i like myself EXACTLY the way i am. except for the bad things.
i'll make a list.
things i want to change about myself.
WHAT I WANT TO CHANGE ABOUT MYSELF:
>i need to work harder at things that i don't necessarily enjoy. we all have to do shit we don't want to do in our lives so sometimes we need to suck it up in order to get where we wanna be.  i think i get far too lost in the fact that all i want to do is write and write and write and talk celebrities and outrageous things and tell stories and do bizarre things and laugh and have a ball. life doesn't work like that.
>i need to be more organized and prudent with school materials and shit. and clothes. and things in general.
>i need to not procrastinate as much and make more/better to do lists and follow through and get shit done FASTER.
etc, etc.