I despise when you hate yourself, hate your life, have nothing to look forward to, feel subhuman, repugnant, dreading the future, then a bright spot comes into your life and when you finally have a spring in your step and your cheeks are glowing from the compliments and you are nearly touched to tears by this human being who you see yourself in, but is essentially what you want to evolve more into when you are middle-aged.
Then it's all washed away like a vicious wave scraping upon the gritty, rocky shore; when something happens to you that kills your appetite and makes you so damn sick and twisted; knowing deep down that
God knows you cannot handle things like this.
Thank God, I told myself, this happened to no one I knew. I wouldn't cried more rivers if it was my mom, Grandma or a dear friend.
The raging typhoon has calmed though. It is collected.
I despise that my mood has done nothing but plummet like the stock market in 1929 these past couple days. Maybe it's because I'm fearful of going back to school in like 2 weeks. 12 days. 2 days less than 2 weeks. 
It's asinine right? I'm itching to go back! I'm bored out of my fucking skull! But the alterations I need to make from school to home to school to home to school to home fuck with my anxiety; it prompts it. In any case, it's asinine, in less than like 2 months---which always go by fucking speedily especially 2nd semester since it IS indeed shorter---spring break. And I'll be bored out of my fucking mind then. 'Cuz none of my friends will be here. They'll be in Florida, on road trips, with family in other states...I wish I could go on a road trip with friends...I don't think that's ever going to happen. I don't see them up for that. I know it's pricey and complicated. I sure do want to someday though! After graduation!