Kamma Niyama

As Oprah said that one day I was watching her at the gym (as I always tend to do when I'm not thoroughly scanning the place for hot kickboxing girl) "Whether you think so or not, every cause has an effect and the good are always ultimately awarded." Then she applied a few laws of physics to life instances, which was very interesting indeed. And so true. It all completely struck a chord with me. I had a realization: maybe Oprah is right, maybe there is consequences for everyone's actions, and when you do something bad, you will have to deal with the repercussions, no matter what it is. Because no one gets out unscathed. However, even the good have incredibly rough patches in their lives and are put through hell. Sadly, that's life and it's bullshit and unfair. But sooner or later, bad luck has to wear off right? Something negative USUALLY has to trigger something positive. At least one can hope so.
But I've realized, if you're young and make virtually no mistakes, not only are you not living, but you're not learning. You're kind of suspended in an ambivalent, bizarre state. And oddity. Are you exceptionally, outrageously mature for your age? Or are you just...abnormal?
I think it's bullshit when someone says that they don't regret anything in life. For me, it's more of a balance. I do not regret the times where my heart has been shattered and I'm been so destroyed inside, because it makes you so incredibly strong, you know? And you heal right back up. Will you always have the scars though? That's a good question. Probably not. Because it's human nature, our instinct to move the fuck on. And we do. It's something I've gotten better and better at.
However, a lot of the more trivial things I regret like, "Oh fuck I should've said THAT that one time! I'm such a fucking fool! Why didn't I think of that?" Bit then I just let it go, because what are you gonna do? In nerve-wracking situations it's a proven fact that your mind will become a blank slate. Trust me, I would know. Then you can't find the word, stutter like a lunatic, and have no damn clue what you're even saying, or what you're trying to get at.
Anyway, kamma niyama is the consequences of one's actions. It is a process-action, an energy, an uncontrollable force. Whatever emotion we are feeling at the moment is a result of our own deeds. But not all the time. Sadly, it can truly be out of our hands and out of our control. Sometimes we cannot help our feelings. And then this stresses us out even more. We are allegedly the architects of our own fate, although I only semi agree with this. Because a lot of things in life, we cannot control. Like death or how the world sees us. The only thing we can control is our own actions and how we treat the world and what we think of ourselves. You can only change yourself.
The most terrifying events in my life thus far have been being smitten with far too many girls who could never feel the same way for me. I thank God frequently these days that I do not feel this for anyone at all at the moment. Okay I do have some minor crushes, trivial lustful feelings, but not nearly enough to get me hurt or disappointed. It's all in good fun. It's because I don't know these girls. If I did it would be potentially dangerous, given how sensitive I am.
I hate how sensitive I am. In every aspect. With emotions, things that happen to me, even alcohol. Is this all God's way of telling me I cannot handle that much?
But I can...I endured some not so pleasant shit. And experience is the only thing that can make us as human beings stronger and more self-aware right?