Paradox: today was actually a halfway decent day. Everything went smoothly. It was smooth sailing. I devoured Jimmy John's---first time in literally eons and it' was orgasmic obviously! Like Cheryl Chezza Cole.
But now I'm irate. Ever have those days? It's not PMS bitches, believe me.
Sometimes we feel the urge to just throw up two flipped birds to the world, I know I feel like that much too often. But then again, I think that's why I have some pent-up animosity within me. Not chips off my shoulder necessarily, although there are a select few grudges from high school that still consume me, but fuck high school it's over and I'm never going back. That ship has sailed. I still can't believe I made it out alive! It made me into the jaded, caustic cynic that I am today.
Well lots of other things contribute too. You know what I detest? Inexplicable disaster. You don't see it coming, but all the while, you kind of do. It's like throwing yourself in front of a freight train to try and stop it. Futile.
Yes, shit happens, but I feel like I lack so much control when the shit does hit the fan. I feel like I have tons of control in my life, don't get me wrong, but I still constantly feel like things are whirling around me at the speed of light and when I reach out to tamper with it in order to subdue it all, to alleviate pain, etc, what have you.
I know I don't sound particularly coherent now but well, at least I am far too true to myself to feel self-conscious when shit gets sour. I know exactly what I want I think, more and more and more.
I had some other things I wanted to point out and declare but they totally slipped my mind! Oops, well it's late maybe they'll come up sometime.
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