Sometimes I just feel so lonesome because of my sexuality and so completely out of place. I always did feel that I was very different growing up but it wasn't until about 7th or 8th grade when I realized why. And then I was in denial for essentially all of high school, until last year. 
I downplayed it for far too long.
No one here can relate to me. I have a friend who claims she's bisexual but she 99% of the time is interested in men and has a boyfriend currently, actually.
I just don't want to be alone forever.
And more than anything, above all, I want my mother to get out of her denial stage and fully accept me and BELIEVE me when I say I'm gay. It makes me doubt myself when she doesn't believe me. Because she's my MOTHER. She's always right about everything. You know, that whole drill. 
There's nothing I want more than her full support, blessing and acceptance. 
Her comment today hurt me so badly. And then later yesterday evening I watched this documentary with my friend about gay siblings and it told three different stories that were all exceptionally, paralyzingly, achingly disconcerting and I was nearly on the verge of tears. That truly put me over the edge. 
I truly wish at times I could change my sexual orientation. It would take away so much anxiety from my life, it really would. 
I think I have a ways to go before I can fully come to terms with my sexuality, but it would truly help immensely if my mother showed me so much support and just gave me a HUGE HUG about it in lieu of refusing to talk about it as she usually does. 
My friend had a brilliant idea: write her a letter. But prior to that I need to seek out my dad, who is so very supportive about it. He will comfort me greatly, give me a big hug and be there for me. He will soften the blow. My brothers don't get it at all. Yet paradoxically, my youngest one jokes about how I'm "in love" with certain girls. I think he will figure it out.
I just feel like I'm not a full-fledged version of myself if my mom doesn't even acknowledge it and talks about boys to me. It hurts me so much and I feel like very few people understand.
She snapped at me about how I won't date boys and then asked me about this guy last year I went on one pitiable "date" with and was like "What happened to that guy you thought was cute?!?! Do you talk?" I'm like "Really Mom?"
I FEEL SO MISUNDERSTOOD.
At least I can talk about it freely to my friends...well most of them I think I can at least.
Thank God for supportive friends and family members---i.e. cousins, my dad.
Sometimes I want to curl up into a ball and hide from the world. Sometimes I am ashamed of who I am, being where I am. In this Midwest college in a red state, I feel like I stick out like a sore thumb. I usually love to stick out and be wild and something to look at but other times, I truly don't.
Please Mom, accept me. It hurts me to see you in denial. It's going on 7 years. Please try to understand my world. It makes it harder because I've never had a girlfriend...I've given up hope here. 
She kept asking me about the drag show I was in and the clubs I'm in and she kept asking me about the Feminist Club I'm in but I just remained silent and stoic about the fact that I'm in Alliance.
Perhaps she will understand when I jet off to San Fransisco to relocate for the adventure of a lifetime!
I want and need Mom's approval so badly in order to continue on with my life. I can usually talk to her about anything and everything but anything related to my lesbianism is always off-limits. I detest that. I cannot handle that. I cannot go on like that anymore.
I will make her so proud someday when I get something of mine published, when I get my novel I'm writing published. And I will. As they say, IT WILL GET BETTER. She will get grandchildren from me when I find the right woman. Everything will be lovely. Just now, things are hard but that's okay I have absolutely wonderful friends---here and at home. I couldn't ask for better friends, and I've met new friends this year who have changed my life for the SO MUCH BETTER as well. And I am evolving. People actually love and care about me I'm quite certain, but in spite of this I don't know how much longer I will be grappling with this sexuality thing.