All is actually well I think.

The past two days have been the roughest days that I can recall.
I got through it though! Thanks to ALL of my friends, especially the one in particular who I like. She made me feel so much better! I hope she knows how grateful I am that she's so supportive, still cares about me, and is gonna help me get through this. 
IT'S NOT EVEN A BIG DEAL. 
The only component that is indeed a big deal is
a) the anxiety with it all---that inevitably comes to me with all intensely emotional situations.
b) the inevitable jealousy that arises. 


But that's just me. And I feel very much improved now. Very much at peace. So liberated. I am so pleased with myself for doing what I did. It was the most cathartic thing I have done in a long time.


And my appetite is ever so gradually coming back!


I feel so satisfied now. Yes, there will always be at least a worry or two in the back of my mind...but it has begun it's gradual process of withering into oblivion. 


The day I'm over her will be one euphoric day. I will be TRULY liberated then. And I will tell her and it will be a massive milestone in my life. Then she can talk about any boy or whatever in front of me and I can TRULY be supportive and not get intensely incensed, mad with envy, and sick to my stomach with anxiety. 


Whenever she brought up a guy, I would feel intensely undesirable. But of course I wasn't shocked because she's a catch obviously. But...


Naturally I think no guy deserves her! Even in the future I feel like, 'cuz I feel like this with ALL my friends, very few guys will be good enough for my friends. If he isn't so damn good to her then he should be kicked to the curb.


Now that she knows how I feel though, I am beginning to let go.


Don't worry, I can do it. I AM doing it.


I will always find her to be exceptionally, achingly beautiful, inside and out...all my friends are though! =) But I know someday we will BOTH find our soulmates, who we are MEANT to be with.