Dear God,
I will be okay right?
Love, Me

I face all my demons head on.
Problem...we talk.


i did the bravest thing ever today. i told her she should not hide her and the guy she's talking to.
please don't, my dear. you deserve all of the happiness in the world.


he better be great to you. if anything happens. and i will get outside of myself and be insanely happy for you.


you will have me back, my dear sooner rather than later.


you are beautiful and amazing. what you said in that blog wouldn't normally sting me but it's just under these very sensitive circumstances that it does, you know?

i think i will write you a poem for your birthday. a cathartic, friendship one.

obviously not a love one.

honestly, oddly, for the past few days especially today i have not felt feelings for you. just my emotions as a result of the toughass situation. weird.

i cannot wait till i'm a stronger person.

do not worry my dear. i love you to death, my friend.

you are dealing with this so incredibly well.

but crying and hugging with you was such a tender moment. i will be thinking of that in 10 years when i'm hopefully a bestselling author, married to a beautiful, exotic, sophisticated woman, and with a couple kids at least.

and you will be married to a wonderful man. a kind and gentle soul whose very much like...me! haha just kidding. but...

the guy she's talking to now. man, i almost hate how perfect he seems. truly.

he has a great fashion sense. he's adorable. tall. good body. would treat her so right. she's a queen to me so she deserves that. and he's a writing major. me and him could even get along, shit!

i'm probably a better writer than him though haha just kidding.

dear you,
please give it a shot with him. i will not hold you back. it's not about me. it's about your happiness. that's the most important thing in this situation. it saddens me to see you so racked with guilt.

see where it goes with him. he could be so good to you. don't let me stop you from finding out. i will get over my feelings for you. feelings that shouldn't even BE there. because the most important thing is you're my friend. one of the most important people to me in the world.

i am opening my heart and soul and there will be nothing off limits with us. lay it all out. talk to me about him or whatever whenever. any guys. i will leave my absurdities behind for YOUR SAKE. for my sake. but most importantly, for your happiness.

i shall not be jealous, because you said i mean more to you than any guy you're talking to.

DIFFICULT SITUATIONS ARE INEVITABLE. ROUGH PATCHES WITH FRIENDS, ESPECIALLY IN COLLEGE LIVING TOGETHER, RIGHT? 


And we have gone this long without having an issue but then inevitably something will come up. And it will pass.


Just like with me and all my other friends.


We can do it. Together. I love you, friend. You mean so much to me. I know how much you care for me and how much I mean to you. 


My ups and downs are beginning to slow down. It was just a few day thing, I promise.


Believe in me. Please, everyone believe in me. I know you all do.


I truly love myself, but I don't like who I've been the past few days. Everyone knows that. I've been exhausting. Frustrating. Up and down with emotions.

I AM NOW GOING HARD. TO CONQUER. TO BRING MYSELF BACK. TO LOVE ALL, TO SQUELCH JEALOUSY, AND BE ME.

Maybe what it boils down to is that it's hard to see her or any of my friends keep talking to guys freely and effortlessly. For me, I'm alone. I've got no one to crush on and talk to like that. I want a girl so badly.

West Hollywood...I'll find a beautiful, FEMININE, amazing woman. We will have wild, passionate sex, bringing out our personalities and cuddle and snuggle and travel and have children and make lots of money and always be there for friends and family.

I shall not worry. YOU will always be in my life. You basically said that to me that night.

Your empathy and kindness and patience nearly brings me to tears.

WE CAN DO THIS. Do not worry, don't be hard on yourself...I am being proactive and doing me.