It is not as a big deal as I make it out to be. 
I flew off the handle with my emotions, plain and simple. Just for the past few days though.
It ends now.
Only positive, soothing thoughts now.
Tomorrow...therapist. To talk suggestions and such.
Tuesday...psychiatrist. To talk meds.


Strong emotions makes one do crazy things. And act foolishly, irrationally. 
Especially because I felt as if I had no control.


I will rid myself of This.


Deep breaths. In through nose, out through mouth.


What I'm going through is so damn trivial compared to what others have to go through. 
This living hell is very minor compared to most people.


My oversensitivity and overanalysis and jumping to conclusions gets me into trouble. And makes things so skewed and fucked up.


SILVER LINING: Tonight I had a rude awakening after Another Talk. =) It shook me up a lot. She said I was beating myself up and needed to stop. There is no reason for me to do so. Hell, she's right of course.


I need to learn to take it easy. 


Which is what I needed to learn for a long time. 


Tomorrow and Tuesday I pray with help me immensely. 


CLARE, YOU ARE A FOOL.
YOU'VE SCARED YOUR FRIENDS, YOU WORRIED THEM, THERE IS NO NEED FOR THEM TO WALK ON EGGSHELLS WITH YOU. 
NO MORE BEING SILENT AND SADDENED. BE CHEERY.
GO BACK TO YOUR USUAL SELF.
SOONER RATHER THAN LATER YOU WILL DO JUST THAT.


My prime worry is...well, the fact that I've barely eaten anything for a week essentially. I haven't had an appetite whatsoever. That is the most unhealthiest thing I've done probably. Well, one of them. I pick at my food like a bird.


It terrifies me that...my emotions flit from happy and chill and laughing and happy-go-lucky and shit to...morose, deathly silent and not talking whatsoever. 


This week besides working your ass off at school, the prime importance, just occupy your mind with as many things as possible. And show everyone, most importantly yourself, that you are/will be just fine. And get back to normal.


This is all confusing as hell, but I am getting there. I was better today than yesterday I think. I THINK. Less emotional. At least I didn't cry during our talk again. That's a silver lining.


Do not worry what anyone is thinking, because you're usually oh so very wrong. 


Do not beat yourself up, your emotions are very valid, you just need to control them better.