The mood swings that I'm experience are debilitating.
I woke up at 4 in the morning feeling depressed again. Utterly down in the dumps. And sick to my stomach, of course.
Then I eventually fell back asleep and woke up a little while ago. 
I feel like shit. Still. Maybe worse. My stomach feels so hollow and empty, I feel hot as hell, I'm having "hot flashes" again. It's hard to stand up and walk almost.
I need to take a long shower. 
I shouldn't worry. Why am I so damn depressed? She is here for me. 
I like what she said yesterday---basically everything, especially "We can do something after dinner!"
Me: "What?"
Her: "We'll figure it out."
I anticipate that all my posts for a long while will be about Her.
I also anticipate Spring Break. Already. After like one week. To get away and rest easy. Hopefully by the time I leave for Break, all is well. And I have an appetite again and don't feel nauseous all the time, and anxiety-ridden, and suicidal and everything.
Okay I'm not suicidal full-fledged, but I'm not going to lie I was Friday. Very much so.
I want to stop crying and blubbering at random times.
And feeling sorry for myself.
Everyone is here for me, and I AM cared about even though during times like this I don't feel like I am. 
I need to get out of this funk. And to stop being quiet. It's uncomfortable for me and EVERYONE really. When I am quiet, all my friends know that there is something up. 
You know what I love in life?
Crying with happiness. 
That's how I almost felt last night after Our Talk. Our Third Talk.
And I think I will have one today, because I'm pretty sure she doesn't mind at all. 
I think I'll want to have one everyday or every other day until I am HAPPY again.
I do feel a bit of hopefulness right now because tomorrow is my therapist appointment and I can update her on all the wonderful things that have happened...the only dreadful thing is frankly, ME. I feel depressed. In a funk. Whatever you want to call it. No appetite. That's a sign of depression. Haven't eaten barely anything for this whole week. I want to do nothing but lay in my bed in the dark all day watching TV to try to get my mind off of it all. 
It still hurts, not going to lie. Physically and mentally. I need that hurt to be gone. But I can't try to figure out WHEN the day will be when it all withers away.
And I feel so fatigued and lethargic since then.
I have laughed since then, plenty of times and cracked jokes but it's very hard to do. And doesn't last long, 'cuz then I feel like I revert back to a deeply saddened creature. 
I can't afford to do this any longer. I am ever so grateful that I'm getting professional help (more of it) tomorrow. My therapist said she really, truly cares about me. I know now that she likes me a lot. 
And the psychiatrist will be even more helpful Tuesday. It's unfortunate I have to miss two classes for it, but my therapist urged me to do it. It'll be worth the 120 dollars I feel like. 
Medications.
It shouldn't be a big deal.
But still, in my head...it is. It's paralyzing.
There has to be a way out.
Can I do this? I pray the psychiatrist on Tuesday prescribes medications for me that will indeed help and not be harmful. I don't know how much harm I can take. I can't take anything else going wrong in my life.