~Maroon 5
Mother says one cannot possibly be contemplative at my age. But hell, I am. And I’d like to think she’s making a flat-out fallacious statement. Have you ever feigned introspection? I certainly have been accused of it, but one is compelled to be in order to put your finger on why you stick out like a sore thumb in life. I can’t help that I’m philosophical though. It’s an entirely natural process that goes on in my cranium. However, it’s more like a fucking cyclonic, muddled whirlwind. Sure, maybe I go a bit overboard with my enigmatic trains of thought, but at least I see the world from a wide array of angles, and thus from a slew of varying perspectives. At least I think about things. After all, perception IS reality, so in that case I love to harbor as many different perceptions as possible. In a way, introspection may even be something almost worth feigning given all of the juice that comes out of this aesthetic world that would behoove us to slurp up.
Je suis large d'esprit. Il aide à réduire la douleur.
So motherfuckers, shoot me all the skeptical, judgmental looks all you want. It just doesn’t phase me anymore. I’ve reached a point of numbness. Throughout the years, I have been working tirelessly to reach a point of peace with myself. Thus, gradually I have been painting myself with a coat of resilience. Everything that stung me has scarred me less and less throughout the years. And now, believe it or not assholes, I have reached a certain point of maturity. Everything just bounces off me. Yet, allow me to be contradictory when I say, I still have an immense chip on my shoulder about it all, and it’s hard to learn the art of liberating oneself at such a young age. My mind is in the gutter quite often.
However, I like to think I’ve sailed far beyond that petulance and hogwash. Trust me. I have the experience to back it up. I’ve reached a level of lethargic quiescence. Not apathy, by any means. Just pure acceptance for what I cannot change, blended with merely not giving a fuck. If you knew me you would know that I’m highly opinionated, hot-tempered, iron-willed, and unwavering. To be perfectly frank, the list goes on and on. Sometimes I take a step back, blink and then look at my life through a different lens and I let the thought stream through my head, “Holy fuck, what the fuck is going on?” Mother says I need to keep the bewilderment to a minimum but look, Mommy Dearest, I allegedly have borderline personality disorder and scads of other shit going on with me, so it’d be great if I could see a burst of empathy from you every now and again. Bewilderment is my natural state, I hate to say. There are moments in life that are a complete and utter out of body experience. Where you are trying, with every fiber in your being, to emulate all of those beautiful, confident, witty and successful women you have seen in those hundreds of movies and television shows that you gawk over. When you try to do this, you lose sight of your true being and result in just being your own damn self. The other options fall flat. They’re impossible. I’m been floating on feeling entirely dismantled, but not necessarily in a negative way.
J'ai supporté beaucoup de luttes et il a s'arrêter encore. Il commence à ralentir cependant.
Just in a manner that I’m searching for something more, and I know exactly what I’m searching for too. And I know exactly how to effectually progress. Except I’ve been trapped in an enormous heap of bullshit, and it’s just far too overwhelming at the moment. Yet, you can bet your ass I’m trying to get out of it. I have my shovel. I’ve donned a pair of steel-toed boots. I have a bandana tied around my head like some badass-looking dumbass. Now I just need to get through it day by day in order to reach something truly golden. I know what I want, it’s just a matter of getting there that is so goddamn debilitating. I swear, if I reach a certain point, I will explode like a volcano and each and every one of the billion specks that make up my flesh will be like bits of lava, dispersing across the world like pieces of creativity and imagination touching all ends of the earth. The world’s so fucked up. We need to get our priorities straight. Things that matter, shouldn’t and things that don’t should. What’s the matter with us all? Everything ingrained in us is so warped, so skewed, everyone that we have garnered from our years on this earth has been layered in a twisted, unsymmetrical manner. Yet if we we were to peel away these disproportional, corkscrewed layers, like an onion, maybe, just maybe we’d manage to iron them out straight and sandwich them all together into one neat edifice. Well, we can dream can’t we?
Cette fille est teeming avec la rumeur et il n'y a aucune façon dont je peux arrêter l'écoulement. Plus de mon coeur se casse, plus l'optimisme chez moi se développe. J'ai tant d'émotions. Parfois il est difficile de s'attaquer à.
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