I am interested in a BOY.
What the hell.
Maybe I should stop labeling myself as a lesbian to everyone.
I have seen this guy around campus ALL year and have always noticed him but I'm been much too preoccupied with women to do anything about it.
I want to pursue it wholeheartedly, unabashedly, and ultimately bring him home to introduce him to the family. Okay, scratch the last part. My parents are fucking psychos. Never in a million years would I bring him home, I'd never bring anyone I'm dating home EVER. Not even if I'm getting married. My family are fucking out of their mind. My dad means well, but he falls prey to mom's psycho, never-ceasing warpath. She's psychotic. And my youngest brother isn't half-bad at all. I genuinely enjoy hanging out with him. We get along swimmingly. As for my older of the two younger brothers, he's an arrogant little prick who finds me repulsive and treats everyone like shit essentially. Well namely me. He's a little shit who needs to be smacked. He used to be much better.
I don't want to be one of those fucking disturbed people who are constantly tormented by their dysfunctional family. But what are you gonna do? Why was I so fucking excited to return to Hell on Earth?!
Earlier my mom, the fucking monster, was screaming bloody murder at me about how I owe her shittons of money. Is she fucking senile? YES. What is she, Al Capone? And yesterday she was bellowing like a banshee to me about how my writing is a joke...she caught me writing my book on my computer in the kitchen and flipped a SHIT. Oh, and then started looking at me as if I was a repugnant creature and repeatedly accused me of re-dying my hair and whatnot. Is she out of her mind? Again, a rhetorical question. Yes.
I have no fucking autonomy here. My friends even know it. All of my money, all 10 grand or so I have in the bank (and counting...well once I find a job it'll be "and counting") and my entire fucking livelihood is controlled under the evil clutches of her and my dad. It's a joint account or some shit?
My friends have even admitted they could never live with a mother like her. It's so true though.
Why does she keep barking at me for money? Is she fucking out of her mind? We're an upper middle class family, I know she makes more than sufficient duckets at her job. I'm trying to recall why on Earth she MANIPULATED me into writing her a check for nearly 500 dollars this past summer. What the fuck was that for?
She thinks my life is a joke. I need to get out of the house...I'm trying to make plans with friends for tonight but they're AWOL. But I have plans tomorrow, thank God, and then I have plans with my friends Tuesday, tentatively of course, 'cuz no one plans jack shit except for me. But we're supposed to have a potluck...at I'm supposed to host it. All throughout high school it was hell to have friends over here, I always shrewdly avoided it.
My mom is a madwoman, it's true. Let's see...two and a half more years of putting up with her shit and it's onward to West Hollywood where I'll be teaching by day and partying hard by night. I'll finally be liberated from her narrow-minded, conservative, uptight, breathing down my neck tendencies.
I WILL BE A FREE WOMAN! I'm not going to be a petulant brat and say I abhor my family, 'cuz that's so not true. I spent some time with my dad and youngest brother last night and we had a swell time, as a matter of fact. When you factor A, my other brother and my mom into the equation, however, it's bad news bears. Rotten things will be said, cursing will be instigated, that's the way it is. It is what it fucking is.
Complex relationships. And my ego bruised repeatedly but that's when I am eternally grateful for my friends and certain relatives who actually are not fucking bipolar nutjobs.
Great just found out I only have 10 dollars or so in my checking account. What the fuck. I am going to have to convince my dad to move more money into my checking from my savings, otherwise I will not be able to instigate my plan to get myself a new phone WITH texting with ME paying my own damn phone bill so I can do what the fuck I want.
I have no fucking freedom!
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