FUCK MY PARENTS I HOPE THEY GO TO HELL SOMEDAY
THEY'RE BOTH BAD COPS
FUCK MY FAMILY I HATE THEM
I KNEW THAT WAS A WRETCHED IDEA TO EVEN GO DOWNSTAIRS AND I DID FOR ONE FUCKING SECOND AND SHE MORTIFIES ME IN FRONT OF FUCKING EVERYONE
AND WHY? BECAUSE I'M FUCKING WEARING MAKEUP
SHE CAN GO FUCK HERSELF AND SO CAN DAD
I CAN'T DO FUCKING ANYTHING RIGHT
SHE MAKES ME INTO A FUCKING JOKE AND CAN FUCKING GET AWAY WITH IT.
I'M NOT GOING WITH LATER SHE CAN FUCK HERSELF
IT KILLS ME HOW SHE TATTLES TO DAD LIKE A PETULANT LITTLE BITCH, A FUCKING SPINELESS LITTLE MAGGOT THAT SHE IS
HE'S A MOTHERFUCKING MONSTER
THEY ALL ARE AFTER ME ALWAYS CEASELESSLY IT'S RELENTLESS
DOESN'T SHE FUCKING GET SICK OF IT?
OR DOES SHE HAVE ALZHEIMER'S LIKE DAD PROBABLY DOES
DAD'S A BASTARD, ALWAYS WAS. THERE'S NO FUCKING TALKING TO HIM.
I DON'T WISH DEATH UPON HIM BUT I'D BE HAPPY IF I RARELY SAW HIM FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.
MOM THINKS SHE CAN FUCKING GET AWAY WITH FUCKING EVERYTHING.
I DO THE TINIEST THING AND ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE.
NOTHING LIKE THIS WOULD EVER HAPPEN TO MY BROTHERS NEVER!
THEY CAN FUCKING GET AWAY WITH FUCKING MURDER
BUT I STICK OUT LIKE A SORE THUMB DONT I

MOM AND DAD CAN GO TO HELL, THEY ALL CAN 'CUZ THEY WERE ALL IN THE ROOM, MY FRIENDS ARE MY REAL FAMILY ANYWHERE 'CUZ THESE BITCHES ARE A NIGHTMARE, IT MAKES ME FEEL SHITTY

THANK GOODNESS I HAVE A GRANDMA, AUNT AND A SELECT FEW COUSINS WHO I'M CLOSE TO WHO I AM ENTIRELY AT EASE AROUND.

IT'S A MOTHERFUCKING WARZONE HERE

AND WHEN HE WAS SCREAMING LIKE A FUCKING BANSHEE AT ME, IN A WAY HE HAS NEVER YELLED AT ANYONE ELSE (WHY ME? GOD MUST FUCKING ABHOR ME WITH EVERY FIBER OF HIS BEING) I THREATENED TO STAB HIM, I SAID I'LL GET A KNIFE AND FUCKING MURDER HIM

ONE OF OUR DARKEST MOMENTS WAS IN HIGH SCHOOL HE WAS TRYING TO RUIN MY LIFE BY TRYING TO MAKE ME JOIN THE ARMY

I WAS A FUCKING FOOL TO THINK THINGS WERE BETTER

I HAVE SO MUCH FUCKING ANGER, I COULD NEVER MURDER ANYONE THOUGH, BUT I WILL DESTROY THINGS---INANIMATE OBJECTS AND SHATTER THEM INTO MINISCULE PIECES.

MOM TALKS SO MUCH SHIT ABOUT ME TO TO EVERYONE---I DON'T EVEN WANT TO KNOW WHAT MY RELATIVES KNOW ABOUT ME. I DON'T GIVE A FUCK THOUGH...I CAN'T OR I'LL BE EATEN ALIVE.

MOM INSTIGATES ALL THIS SHIT
AND GUILT TRIPS INCESSANTLY
HE THINKS HE'S SUCH A FUCKING GOOD

IF HE OPENS THIS DOOR I'M THROWING A FUCKING BOOK AT HIS HEAD
IT'LL BE A FLASHBACK TO WHEN I SWUNG PUNCHES AND RAN AWAY

THEN THAT DARK DISMAL NIGHT WHERE I THROW INCESSANT PUNCHES FOR HOURS SEEMINGLY---IT FELT LIKE SHIT, BUT AT THE SAME TIME, FELT GREAT, I WANTED TO FUCKING KILL HIM HE THOUGHT I WOULDN'T GET INTO COLLEGE AND WAS GOING TO MAKE ME JOIN THE FUCKING ARMY AND MOM JUST SIT BACK AND LET HIM DO THIS SHIT TO ME!

HOW FUCKING SICK IS THAT?! SHE HAS NO FUCKING  BACKBONE, THEY ALWAYS HAVE TO TELL EACH OTHER EVERYTHING AND MAKE THEIR KIDS LOOK AS SHITTY AS POSSIBLE

WHY DOES IT TAKE SO LITTLE FOR HIM TO ERUPT AT ME?

MOM SAID THAT NIGHT, AND I'LL NEVER FORGET IT "IF I HAD A GUN I WOULDA SHOT AND KILLED HIM" HOW FUCKING TWISTED IS THAT? WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT TO YOUR CHILD? THIS IS WHAT SHE THINKS OF ME

SHE THINKS I'M SOME FUCKING LUNATIC THEY ALL DO

FUCK EVERYONE, NO ONE WILL EVER STAND UP FOR ME. THE ONLY PERSON WHO WILL STAND UP FOR ME IS MYSELF. AND IT'S HARD AS FUCK THAT WAY. IT REALLY IS.

WHY IS IT SO FUCKING SIMPLE AND EFFORTLESS FOR MY FAMILY TO BECOME ENRAGED WITH ME? I CAN'T WAIT TO LEAVE IN ABOUT A WEEK OR SO.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

WELL MOM CAME IN HERE TO APOLOGIZE BUT I FOUND MYSELF ONLY SEETHING AT DAD. NO MATTER WHAT MOM DOES, NO MATTER HOW SPINELESS AND SUBSERVIENT SHE IS AND HOW SHE SUCCUMBS TO DAD LIKE A FUCKING JUNE CLEAVER TYPE, I WILL ALWAYS BE ONLY IREFUL TOWARD DAD. WHO IS SO FUCKED UP.

I DON'T THINK I REALIZE MOST OF THE TIME HOW MUCH ANGER I HAVE WITHIN ME.
OUR FAMILY IS DYSFUNCTIONAL. BUT ABOUT TRIVIAL THINGS, REALLY. NOTHING SEVERE.

I THINK WE'RE ALL PRETTY BIPOLAR, IRATE, AND FLY OFF THE HANDLE AT THE DROP OF A HAT.

FOR THE PAST 10-20 MINUTES OR SO I HAVE FELT VERY SYLVIA-ESQUE. WHICH ISN'T GOOD.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY ONCE SAID ONE OF THE KEYS TO BEING A SUPERB WRITER IS AN UNHAPPY CHILDHOOD. I HAD A WONDERFUL CHILDHOOD THOUGH, THE BEST! I HAD A WRETCHEDLY UNHAPPY ADOLESCENCE THOUGH.

NOT MIDDLE SCHOOL, I THOROUGHLY ENJOYED THAT, I WAS STILL BLISSFULLY, DELIGHTFULLY IGNORANT THEN.

HIGH SCHOOL THOUGH I GOT FUCKED UP.

ALTHOUGH CERTAIN ISSUES STEMMED EARLY ON BUT WHO THE FUCK CARES I CAN'T REMEMBER...

I JUST NEED TO GET BACK TO SCHOOL I'M FUCKING BORED.

I JUST BROKE THE SPINE OF THIS BOOK.

WELL AT LEAST SOMEONE LIKES ME...MOM SAID MY COUSIN'S GIRLFRIEND IS JUST COMING TO SEE ME.

I SAY BULLSHIT BUT WHATEVER.
I NEED TO FIND MY FUCKING NOSE RING. I PUNCHED THIS CUP AND IT TIPPED OVER ONTO THE GROUND AND I HAD FORGOTTEN MY NOSE RING WAS IN IT.

DEAR GOD, DO I STILL NOT GET ALONG WITH DAD? WHAT THE FUCK? WE HAVE BEEN PERFECTLY FINE THOUGH. NO PROBLEM! THE BEST NIGHT WAS WHEN US AND MY LITTLE BROTHER WENT TO VISIT GRANDMA TO HELP HER WITH SOMETHING.

HE'S FUCKING BIPOLAR.

MAYBE I AM TOO.

WHY DO I GET SO ANGRILY SO EASILY SOMETIMES?

WELL, I DON'T REALLY KNOW WHAT ELSE I CAN SAY ASIDE FROM I FEEL LIKE SHIT, I AM MORTIFIED.

MY PARENTS...TOGETHER IS HELL FOR THE KIDS.

MOSTLY ME THOUGH. I BET THEY ARE BORED OUT OF THEIR SKULLS WHEN I'M GONE. I KNOW THEY MISS ME TOO. MOM AND J DO AT LEAST.

I CAN'T WAIT TO MOVE FAR FAR FAR FAR AWAY....

I'LL BE ALL ALONE, PULLING AN ON THE ROAD

DOING WHATEVER THE FUCK I WANT

NO ONE BELIEVES IN ME IN THIS FUCKING FAMILY---MY GRANDMA AND AUNT DO THOUGH AND MY FRIENDS DO.

THEY KNOW ME BETTER THAN ANYONE.

FUCKING CATHOLIC GUILT.

I'M GONNA BE EVEN MORE MORTIFIED LATER WHEN WE MEET WITH OUR RELATIVES...

ANYWAY, I FEEL AS IF NOT MANY PEOPLE GET STUCK WITH A FAMILY WHO THEY GET ALONG SWIMMINGLY WITH.

MOM REPEATS ME INCESSANTLY TO ME, SHE TREATS ME AS IF I'M SOME BOMB READY TO EXPLODE. I'M NOT I KNOW WHAT I WANT IN LIFE AND I'VE PROVED I'M MATURE AND SANE.

SHE THINKS I'M A NUT JOB. I'M NOT! I'M NOT A SYLVIA PLATH, I REFUSE TO ME.

AS MUCH AS I ADORE HER AND AM OBSESSED WITH HER, SHE DISTURBS ME TO NO END.

AND DAD DOESN'T THINK I'LL ACCOMPLISH SHIT IN LIFE BUT HE'S NOT ONE TO TALK ABOUT ANYTHING WITH ANY DEPTH.

AND MY BROTHERS? I DON'T KNOW, THEY'RE TOO IMMATURE.

I LOVE MY FAMILY THOUGH, MOM, DAD AND MY BROTHERS BUT SIMULTANEOUSLY I HAVE FAR MORE PEOPLE WHO BELIEVE IN ME MORE THAN THEM. THEY JUST DON'T WANT ME DEAD, THAT'S ESSENTIALLY IT.

NOW I'M GONNA BE MORTIFIED TO FACE DAD.

I HATE THIS SHIT, IT'S SO FUCKED UP.

AND MOM TOOK MY BOOK EVEN THOUGH I WASN'T DONE, SHE'S TAKING IT BACK TO THE LIBRARY. FUCK THAT.

WELL I'LL RE-READ BELOVED, THAT WAS THE PLAN ANYWAY.

I'M TIRED AND CRANKY I WANT TO BE ALONE AND WATCHED GOLDEN GIRLS, READ AND WRITE AND GO TO SLEEP EARLY ALL ALONE WHERE NO ONE CAN JUDGE ME.

MOM JUDGES ME MORE THAN ANYONE IN MY LIFE EVER HAS. SHE FLIPS A SHIT WHEN I WEAR MAKEUP...IF MY FRIENDS KNEW THAT SHE'D SERIOUSLY BE LIKE "WTF ARE YOU SERIOUS?!" THAT'S NOT NORMAL.

SOMETIMES I WISH I WAS MORE NORMAL THAN I WAS.

MOM'S A NUTJOB. SHE REPEATS THINGS ENDLESSLY. SHE DOESN'T TRUST ME, THAT'S THE THING. SHE DOESN'T THINK I'M SELF-SUFFICIENT AND THINKS I'M FUCKING UP MY LIFE AND WAS PISSED BEYOND BELIEF THAT I'M WRITING A BOOK.

WHEN IT GETS PUBLISHED SOMEDAY IT'LL ONLY MAKE HER SEETHE MORE...GIVEN THE CONTENT. IT'S A VERY HEATED NARRATION.

WHATEVER, FUCK IT ALL, I'M GONNA CLOSE MY EYES FOR A MINUTE.