It just about killed me feeling like this but I am so much stronger now and at an excruciatingly slow pace, I am conquering it all. I keep telling myself it's not what I truly want. And it really isn't. Not one bit.
My bet is by the end of the year---far less than 3 months actually believe it or not, I'm be completely over it. It will be nothing but a distant memory that I've blocked out. That I've pulverized into nothing but dust particles. 
This is just so damn wrong. I detest it. It's the slowest process ever.
Luckily I have other distractions. Many. 
The prime troubling thing is though that no one understands. 
You know what they say, take a walk in that person's shoes, then you'll know how they feel. 
I refuse to feel like this is weird and abnormal and I'm crazy and paranoid and all that shit. NO. That's not true, that is not it. 
Everything I'm feeling is valid. Absolutely valid. I should not apologize. I should not have to explain, there is nothing to fucking rationalize. 
Ugh, my mind is so damn jumbled up I don't even know what I'm saying. I probably make no sense. 
I probably sound quite inarticulate. 
I'm so sick of life's bullshit, all the shit that happens that shouldn't and the bizarre shit that just gets so fucked up. 
And that those who deserve things don't get what they deserve, while those wretched souls get what they don't deserve, and they come up unscathed and shining.