Seriously, fuck my life right now.

Sometimes I wish I was an emotional cripple, so then I wouldn't feel anything for anybody.
After all this bullshit, how in the WORLD do I let myself feel anything for anyone and remain optimistic?
I have no reason to be optimistic whatsoever. Not one bit.
The drunk texts and my flirting pissed her off. She said it's "overwhelming." I think I'm gonna cry. I thought I was toning it down. She was drunk too last night and texting right back.
I feel dreadful and depressed now. 
Is it a legitimate excuse to say one isn't interested in dating because they're "too busy". She doesn't even want to be friends with benefits and such! She said I'd be "waiting around too much." This is fucking bullshit. 
Seriously. What the fuck. Especially 'cuz she said she's "definitely attracted to me."
She totally lead me on. Giving my friend her number to give to me, taking me out to dinner and picking up the tab and flirting with me as well.
Fine. If you're "too busy" then whatever, have it your way. You're missing out bitch!
I need to either make a clean break or somehow make a truce. 
She's like, "We should just stay friends."
I don't need another fucking friend! Why'd you lead me on if you "just want to be friends"? WHY DOES ONE JUST WANT TO BE FRIENDS WITH SOMEONE THEY THINK IS HOT?
I was not being overwhelming.
Seriously?! What the fuck. I only subtly flirted sometimes. Well, I never regret drunk texting. I SERIOUSLY DON'T GET WHY PEOPLE GET SO IRRITATED AND ANGRY IF THEY GET DRUNK TEXTS! 
I love getting drunk dials and texts from people! It's hysterical! Prime entertainment!
Seriously it's appalling and disturbing how things can turn around so much so quickly. It fucking blows.
It's a detrimental whirlwind. 
Well, I guess I AM truly alone. 
Girls are fucking crazy.
Any guy would be down to hook up or WHATEVER. Whatever you wanted, they'd be down. 
Girls have to overanalyze and shit and take things too seriously. 
Any guy would have LOVED to get those drunk texts I sent her last night. 
I don't regret it. Not one bit. Because it was a catalyst for the truth.
It just sped up the inevitable. I'm really sad though. 
I thought me and her seriously had hope. 
It would've been my FIRST REAL THING with a girl. 
I thought it wasn't just a fantasy, yet another foolish dream of mine.
Now I'm back to square one. Yet again.
She probably won't even reply to my last text.
This is disgusting. 
Am I unlovable? 
Why the fuck would she say she's "definitely attracted" to me then say "Let's just be friends. I'm not looking for anything and I don't want a friends with benefits thing either." 
SERIOUSLY FUCK MY LIFE! Okay then you don't want me to fuck you?! Wow thanks. I'm dreadfully insulted.
I don't even know what to say anymore.
I'm gonna get drunk and get crazy again tonight. I am just gonna have to love myself if no one's gonna give me a chance.