It's truly incredibly hard for me to cut out anybody from my life. 
Whether they truly meant a lot to me, or was someone I hardly know, it doesn't matter.
Either or or anything in between it's an outrageously difficult task. 


Goodbye my almost lover
Goodbye my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?


So long my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do


I was cheered up temporarily. 
But now I just feel low again.
Inferior. 
I need to write about it.
A poem. To be liberated.
I don't deserve this bullshit. 


IT WASN'T MEANT TO BE. I HAVE TO KEEP TELLING MYSELF THAT.
'Cuz it's true, it was in God's hands, right?


I'm so mentally and physically exhausted I want and need to nap. 
Maybe I'll nap in like an hour or so. Then get up take a scalding hot shower to calm my frazzled and heartbroken nerves and then get myself ready if I'm going out.


I don't know. I don't know what I want to do.


What kills me about this all is that she acted like it was MY FAULT things got botched. I don't regret the drunk texts at all.


I'm not gonna stop doing the idiosyncratic things that make me me just for someone, no matter how much I like them.


What kills me is that I'm still getting over my friend. I don't really feel anything for her sexually or romantically anymore, but I mean, emotionally...yeah. I don't know, it's indescribable. 


It's so much better now. But she has a man friend, and now I'm left ALONE in the cold. Again. As usual.