"You have to lose in order to gain. It can be a wonderful thing to lose something, because then in return you will gain other, more important pleasures."


I certainly hope this is true.


Anyway, I've decided to take it very slow and cautious with this girl.


I'm going to be very careful. Chances are, she's straight. I am looking for signs. 


If she is I'm not sure if I'd want to be friends. 


Not with someone I'm attracted to.


I'm finally truly taking strides in getting over my friend now for real and for good, and so I am thankful I have moved on already! This is a milestone for me.


But then again, all my thoughts are preoccupied with this girl now.


She's so lovely! Why am I such a damn Romantic?! She has the most gorgeous lucid aqua eyes and the most adorable smile that just melts my heart. And dimples! And most importantly I CAN MAKE HER LAUGH! And she loves talking to me! We texted pretty much all weekend. And last night she took the initiative after awhile to tell me there was a new law and order on and I should check it out. Awww!


I don't want to blow it. I'm gonna take my friends' advice and not act foolishly or hastily. To take things slow.


I would always jump into things too much. With everything, honestly.


I'm gonna try to be study buddies with her. And see how it goes...like working on these more outside of class together.  


And she smells better than anyone I've ever known! Her perfume is so distinct! It's honestly intoxicating to be by her.


God, why do I fall SOOOO hard?! It's mortifying!


Well I'm not FALLING so to speak, just beginning to be smitten.


We click so well. All the signs are there. But for all I know she could have a serious boyfriend! I mean, shit, it's hard not knowing but I will keep investigating. No clues yet. 


But she is kind of tomboyish. Not a girly girl by any means. But still feminine. Medium, intense, bright blonde hair, wears makeup and such. Everything I want and like.


I've definitely begun my fantasy stage with her. I'm not gonna pry or ask questions about her sexuality. I'm not gonna be like "So...got a boyfriend?" and all. 


WHY DOES IT SEEM SO FAR FETCHED FOR HER TO BE INTO GIRLS?


Because on this damn campus, it IS a far fetched notion. Sadly. Tragically. It's sickening but I mean, that's why we're the minority, ya know?


I'm gonna let things flow naturally keep conversation fun and upbeat---keep it natural. Au naturale.