What if I never get over this?
Will I ever get over it?
Can you love the same person forever?
I don't think it's LOVE though perse.
Because love is not one-sided love is mutual.
I can't afford to be in lust, love whatever right now.
I want to close myself off emotionally, that is my prime goal.
Some people in life get everything they want it seems. Not to sound bitter but
I never seem to get anything I want.
There is always something.
When I am happy there's always a catch, some strings attached.
Like when someone actually is attracted to me they scramble for other reasons why they have to steer clear of me?
AM I FUCKING TOXIC?
Fuck my life.
I was watching the L Word early this morning and last night.
It's the only thing that truly cheers me up.
Why? Because it's all I've got to cling onto that reminds me there IS a world out there for me. Somewhere where I can maybe, possibly find love.
Or am I just pegged as someone who never can find love?
I freak people out because I crave so much excitement.
My "social norm" etiquette is not like other people's.
To glamorize this more I like to call myself a tragic heroine, more like an anti-heroine if you will.
That makes it more bearable for me.
I truly have twisted thoughts.
I'm terrified about my grades, because none of them are up.
I'M SO FUCKING SCARED. At least it's not even midpoint yet. But I feel like some pop quizzes destroy me.
I CAN'T BE DESTROYED.
not any more.
I just need spring break. I'm mentally and physically exhausted.
I need to recharge.
And sleep a lot and write. I deserve a break from the bullshit really badly.
I wonder if any of this will matter in a few months, by the summer. Or by next year.
Why am I such a fool?
I wish I could press a button in order to put a stop to some things I'm feeling.
I'm growing bitter.